What Happens When You Have Kids

We were in the RV during a weekend trip to Houston.

Everything is close quarters in an RV.В The kitchen is the living room and the dining room.

The TV was on and the channels available through the RV Park were limited.The only kids’ channel was the cartoon network.

Scooby Doo was on.В Kids were watching.В Husband was reading a magazine.В I was washing dishes.

I could hear the plot developing.В Scooby Doo and crew had happened upon a science lab in need of some mystery solving.В A young female scientist was about to be recognized for her contributions to the academic world, some discovery about outer space that would revolutionize our perception of the universe as we knew it.В She worked with chimps, too.В An odd green creature terrorized the lab just before the recognition ceremony where she would unveil her discoveries.

Bad diaper.В I stopped what I was doing and went into the upper room with our son.В I changed him.В By the time I returned it was over.

I casually asked my husband how it ended.

«What?» he asked.

«How’d the show end?»

He looked at me.

«Really.В Seriously?» В He was amused.В He also looked like he felt a little sorry for me for some reason.

В I’m not sure why.В I had become invested in the plot.

Those are some damn good writers.

«How’d the show end?В I’m serious.В I want to know.»

He didn’t tell me.

This made me angry.

Finally, as I noisily washed the last coffee mug, he gave me the relief I needed.

Turns out the female scientist used the chimp to pretend he was the alien.В When the alien grew, it was the scientist in a body suit.В She wasn’t ready for the unveiling so she fabricated the wh*le ordeal to save face and end the launch mission.

I felt better.

This is what happens when you have children.

I used to read Nabokov, Kissinger, and Yeats.

Now, Scooby Doo is my idea of an intellectual thrill.

Whatever.В I know how it ended and that’s all that matters.

Who are you laughing at?

Like you’ve never turned kid tunes on in the car when you’re the only one in it.

News: Samuel Kohan, PhD, Psychoanalyst Video